Raise Yer Glass.....

Raise yer glass to James Anderton....
I know he's up in heaven, wearing Ralph Lauren and some Cole Haan shoes, dancing to Frank Sinatra with his beloved wife Shirley...
I love you, and I'll miss you Grandpa...
RIP.

Money and fame....what a shame.

Everybody has things that creep them out. Things that keep you up at night for an extra few minutes. Things that are pure evil. Evil personified. I have many things like this. It's a miracle I can even sleep. For the last several months there has been a certain somebody that chills my blood. A somebody that makes my stomach turn, my shoulders tense, my small intestine straighten....
It may be old news, but this woman is all of the things that men hate about women. She has that gift of being able to make a mans balls turn cold, and shrivel. Just ask her husband...OOPS!!!! I mean her EX husband....
This evil, Jabba The Hut wannabe is....

AHHHHH!!!!! CALL ANIMAL CONTROL!!!!
KATE IS ON THE LOOSE!!!!!!!
Seriously....
I do NOT condone adultery. If you willingly enter a marriage, you better be a man and stay faithful to your wife. THAT BEING SAID.......
Who can blame poor John for cheating on this bitch?
I'd rather go down on my Dad then spend the rest of my life then this woman!
I have a wife, ergo, I've seen there show. DAMN....
Talk about a woman constantly watching, criticizing, knit picking, judging, trash-talking... I'm exhausted after watching this woman in action for 30 minutes!

Look at this poor, poor bastard.
At what point do you think she removed his testicles and placed them on her bedside table?

I feel bad for him.....BUT.
WHAT A FUCKING CHUMP!!!!!!!
How does a man sit there, and allow his bitch wife to start owning everything in there lives????
HEY JOHN!!!!!! See this????

It's called a bat...
USE IT!!!!!
You have to feel bad for there kids though.....
I can't think of any horrible situation that was IMPROVED by tossing money into it.
Let this be a lesson to all of us NORMAL people. We may struggle and claw our way through every pay period, but more MONEY and NOTORIETY is not the answer to all of our prayers. I could pretty much guarantee, that without money and fame, these 2 assholes would be WAAAAAAAAY happier.
Don't envy these idiots on TV. There lives are so empty and meaningless, they NEED attention from "viewers". Everybody out there who live honest, uninteresting lives, are the real heroes of this country. We make everything work, and give opportunities to these needy, blood sucking leeches who can't be happy without millions of people watching.
I hope all of these people rot penniless and alone, while all of us smile in our ordinary lives.
You know what....
Ordinary is the new extraordinary.
Revel in it!

REVOLUTION

LISTEN UP MEN!!!!!!
I need your help. I need you to take a stand with me. I need you to be the man who will not take it anymore. What has happened to us? We used to OWN this fucking country! We used to do what ever the hell we wanted, and THEY couldn't do a damn thing about it. You know who THEY are. THEY, are our wives.
Who the fuck do they think they are? Why do they have this bizarre sense of entitlement? I know one thing. THEY, have a BIG day coming up.
You know what I'm talking about.
FUCKING VALENTINES DAY.
The day where no matter what gift, card, dinner, surprise you come up with......Some douche bag in a movie or on TV came up with something better. They have taken control. They have taken our manhood.
In the words of James Belushi from the modern classic, "The Principal"........
I say, "NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!"
Take a stand for the betterment of our gender.
GIVE NOTHING TO YOUR WIFE ON VALENTINES DAY......
That's all we need to do. NOTHING....
I have a proposition. We make this cursed day about MEN. We turn it all around. We make it our own. I now propose a NEW holiday...
ORAL MIGNON DAY...
I'll pause for applause. I know I've got something here.
For all woman reading this....... I have a list for you. I know how much you like to make lists for us to read, follow, perform.....
WELL HERE"S A LIST FOR YOU!!!!!!!!
If you can manage to follow these simple instructions, there will be no domestic violence necessary..

STEP ONE: SHUT UP...
We know you like to talk, and talk, and talk. Today is OUR day though. So button it Sweetheart!

STEP TWO: MAKE THE CHILDREN SHUT UP...
I recommend a thick piece of lumber. Or a Bat. Or a Tire Iron. Whatever, just make it stop.

STEP THREE: DRESS ACCORDINGLY!!!
No fucking sweatpants. You may not wear our T Shirts. Put on something skanky.

STEP FOUR: GO TO THE STORE...
Go to the store, with the children. This is where we watch sports, play video games, stare at the walls, scratch our nuts etc......Take your time on this step. We are in no hurry to see you return.

STEP FIVE: BUY AN EXPENSIVE CUT OF MEAT...
MEAT does not include chicken, turkey, tilapia or any of the other white, gay meats. We want RED meat, preferably wrapped in BACON.

STEP SIX: GET A BABYSITTER..
You won't want the children around for what's coming up.

STEP SEVEN: COOK WOMAN!!!!!!
Medium rare please. DON"T MAKE ME ASK TWICE....

STEP EIGHT: No Comment...
It's called Oral Mignon Day. Do I need to paint the picture for you??

It's not that complicated ladies!!!!
Don't make us utilize our superior strength/problem solving skills to make this happen. Do what your ancestors did and SUBMIT!!!!!
Wait, I think I hear my Wife coming....
I'm just kidding. I love Valentines Day!!
I can't wait to buy flowers, give massages, have lots of foreplay, etc....etc...
HELP ME JESUS.........

Sex and the City? More like Sex and the SHITTY....

All right ladies, calm down.....
I'm actually here to defend the series Sex and the City (or SATC as all the ladies in the know call it...).
It was a groundbreaking TV show. There has never been an R rated sex comedy told from the female perspective. It was pretty enlightening to a guy like me. I knew that AIDEN = BAD....
BUT......................

MR. BIG = GOOOOOOOOOOD!

My life loves Mr. Big. She felt like Carrie and him should've been together forever! She DID NOT like Aiden. I dare not include a photo of him, or my Wife could get pretty pissed.

I don't even have the balls to mention BURGER. That's the dude from Office Space who was Horse Faces boyfriend in Season 5.

OOOOPS! Sorry!!! I called SJP (Sarah Jessica Parker for all you straight men) a Horse Face. It's an old joke, but a good one!


I've got some other things to say about the cast....

KRISTIN DAVIS

This girl is the worst actress of all time. If you watched Sex and the Shitty:The Movie, you know of what I speak. I can't believe that she ever got hired on this, or any other series!!!! I imagined this is the look on her face when she got the great news from her agent!!

It's like she's all ready thinking of her EMMY speech!
She must have been so happy!
Wonder what she looked like when she found out that SATC was filming it's last season?????????

Sorry Kristin. Or Kristen.

THE RED HEADED DIKE (Cynthia Nixon guys....)

Doesn't that turn you on? Yeah, me neither. Here's a list of things I'd rather have sex with more than Cynthia Nixon....

BRILLO PAD

AHHHHH.... The sharp, jagged shards of stainless steel would be a welcome invitation. At least a Brillo Pad won't eat you after it's done mating. Cynthia Nixon on the other hand......

AN OLD PIECE OF WOOD WITH RUSTY NAILS IN IT

The feel of Splintered wood and rough, tarnished iron would be like heaven compared to MIRANDA!!!!

SMITH JARED

He's the hottest chick on the show!!!!

I know.....Sad.....but he's hotter...

THE CHICK FROM POLICE ACADEMY 1 (Kim Catttralll)...

mmmmmmmmm....

Hope they don't wait to long to film SATC 2 : Carrie goes for the Triple Crown!!!!!

Peace Shitheads!!!!