REVOLUTION

LISTEN UP MEN!!!!!!
I need your help. I need you to take a stand with me. I need you to be the man who will not take it anymore. What has happened to us? We used to OWN this fucking country! We used to do what ever the hell we wanted, and THEY couldn't do a damn thing about it. You know who THEY are. THEY, are our wives.
Who the fuck do they think they are? Why do they have this bizarre sense of entitlement? I know one thing. THEY, have a BIG day coming up.
You know what I'm talking about.
FUCKING VALENTINES DAY.
The day where no matter what gift, card, dinner, surprise you come up with......Some douche bag in a movie or on TV came up with something better. They have taken control. They have taken our manhood.
In the words of James Belushi from the modern classic, "The Principal"........
I say, "NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!"
Take a stand for the betterment of our gender.
GIVE NOTHING TO YOUR WIFE ON VALENTINES DAY......
That's all we need to do. NOTHING....
I have a proposition. We make this cursed day about MEN. We turn it all around. We make it our own. I now propose a NEW holiday...
ORAL MIGNON DAY...
I'll pause for applause. I know I've got something here.
For all woman reading this....... I have a list for you. I know how much you like to make lists for us to read, follow, perform.....
WELL HERE"S A LIST FOR YOU!!!!!!!!
If you can manage to follow these simple instructions, there will be no domestic violence necessary..

STEP ONE: SHUT UP...
We know you like to talk, and talk, and talk. Today is OUR day though. So button it Sweetheart!

STEP TWO: MAKE THE CHILDREN SHUT UP...
I recommend a thick piece of lumber. Or a Bat. Or a Tire Iron. Whatever, just make it stop.

STEP THREE: DRESS ACCORDINGLY!!!
No fucking sweatpants. You may not wear our T Shirts. Put on something skanky.

STEP FOUR: GO TO THE STORE...
Go to the store, with the children. This is where we watch sports, play video games, stare at the walls, scratch our nuts etc......Take your time on this step. We are in no hurry to see you return.

STEP FIVE: BUY AN EXPENSIVE CUT OF MEAT...
MEAT does not include chicken, turkey, tilapia or any of the other white, gay meats. We want RED meat, preferably wrapped in BACON.

STEP SIX: GET A BABYSITTER..
You won't want the children around for what's coming up.

STEP SEVEN: COOK WOMAN!!!!!!
Medium rare please. DON"T MAKE ME ASK TWICE....

STEP EIGHT: No Comment...
It's called Oral Mignon Day. Do I need to paint the picture for you??

It's not that complicated ladies!!!!
Don't make us utilize our superior strength/problem solving skills to make this happen. Do what your ancestors did and SUBMIT!!!!!
Wait, I think I hear my Wife coming....
I'm just kidding. I love Valentines Day!!
I can't wait to buy flowers, give massages, have lots of foreplay, etc....etc...
HELP ME JESUS.........