Super my ASS!!!!!!!!

Hello all of you bastard assholes!!!!
I sure hope all is well in your world.
If it isn't....
Well BOO HOO PUSSY!!!!!

I've got a bone to pick..
I've got a question for all of you men...
Am I the ONLY man on earth who get's the SAME phone call at about 4:00PM??????
EVERYDAY............
I love it when my Wife calls me during the day. She tells me what's going on with the kids. What she's doing. Who she's talking to. It breaks up the monotony of the workday.
All of this changes 'round mid-afternoon.....
I know the call is coming. I feel it in my bones...
I'm tired, weary...
I just want to come home and see my children run up to me and give me a big hug.
I want to kiss my wife and crack open a bottle of wine...

BUT NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

I have to go to the store first.....

When I get the call......I want to scream...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I was British, I would say this is BOLLOCKS!!!!

The kids need shampoo, and bananas, and milk, and no sugar added applesauce...
Ann needs laundry detergent, and dish soap, and coffee, and creamer.....

Lord help me. I am now being sent to Frys (Ralphs you California Douche bags) at the worst time possible. You can tell when it's 5:30 at Fry's..
That's when 300 men, just getting off of work, are wondering around the store with a bewildered look in there eyes.

Where am I going???
Where are the canned peaches????
Where is the deodorant? The shampoo? The Milk? The Sour Cream??
OH FUCK!!!!! WHERE AM I!!!!!

My Wife will send me a text message of everything needed. I am now officially NOT a fan of the energy saving programs on cellphones. You know what I'm talking about! When the damned light turns off on the phone while you're reading the list!!

FUCK YOU MOTOROLA!!!

Be like Motel 6 and leave the light on for me!

You may get off easy if there's canned goods and other easily identifiable items on the list... I do, every once in a while, have to venture to a zone where no man belongs. You're probably thinking that I'm talking about tampons right now....

BUT I'M NOT!!!!!

I'm talking about the produce aisle....

Look...I have a penis. I don't know where the fuck the ASPARAGUS is!!!
My sweat burns like battery acid... I don't know where the SOUTHWESTERN SALAD is!!!
My balls get wet when I sit on the toilet...
I DON"T KNOW WHERE YOUR FUCKING BRIE CHEESE IS!!!!!!!

Let's just assume that you find everything and you make it to the checkout lines before your colon explodes...
Am I the only one who ALWAYS picks the wrong line???
There could be a line as long as the Yangtze River, and a line with 2 people right next to it......
And I get stuck behind one or MORE of these people.....
1. Rain check lady.....
2. I swear my card is good....just run it ONE MORE TIME guy...
3. OH.... I forgot my Milk( furthest section from the register)...Let me run and get it!!!
4. Old Lady...ENOUGH SAID...
5. Chinese lady....ENOUGH SAID....
6. Oh wait....I forgot my club card in my car guy...
7. Mmmmmmmm. I thought that was supposed to be $.99.....and you charged me $1.09 lady..

I hope all of these people die a long, slow death in the Sarlacc Pit (from Return of the Jedi you dimwits!!!!) I guess I'm the only one who has my club card ready, my debit card in hand, and is familiar with the keypad. The person behind me never has to wait for anything!!!!!!

Soooo..

I hate the fucking market..
Who was the genius ASSHOLE who started calling it the SUPERMARKET????

Oh, I know...

He's the guy who's anus contains my SHOE...

Fuck everybody....

Think Pink... If you're a BITCH!!!!

Listen up "men".
You'll notice I put men in quotations.......
That's because there is a disturbing new trend out there. I'm sure all of the bitches (I mean Women) are loving it. We have been womanized for a long time. It's been all downhill for us Men since the 1950's.
But this is unacceptable.....
Men.
Stand up for yourself....
DON'T WEAR PINK.....

EVER.....

I thought certain things were a given. Certain things were written into the fabric of our being.
Water's wet.
The sky is blue...
MEN DON'T WEAR PINK!!!!!!!!!

When did we fall asleep, and let women slide this color into our wardrobe??? How can we be so lazy?????
I've sat down and REALLLLLLY thought about an occasion suitable for a man to wear a pink shirt......

OK....
If you are at a breast cancer rally....
YOU CAN WEAR PINK....
I am 100% against any women's breasts having cancer... I love breasts waaaay to much for that...
But this....
IS UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!

WOW DUDE....
I hope your super cool wife/girlfriend put formaldehyde in the mason jar that contains your BALLS!!!!!!!!
I'm sure she'll be eye fucking the guy at the bar that looks like this pretty soon.....


THAT"S RIGHT.......
You'll notice he's wearing red.... That's OK.
Here is a list of acceptable colors for men to wear....
1. Anything but pink.

Here is a list of unacceptable colors for men to wear...
1. FUCKING PINK!!!!!!

If you want to be a bitch (woman), "metro", or ambiguously gay/lesbian/transgender..

Than bust out your Mom's pink shirt and feel confident in your decision!!!!

Keep in mind though....

Women....

Like MEN.

No matter how much they try to deny it.

If your wife/girlfriend wants you to ACT like a woman...

She's probably gay...

Than you can go out and buy some clothes that are black, or brown, or blue and join the rest of the normal universe.

Don't be women men....

Peace.