Hello all of you bastard assholes!!!!
I sure hope all is well in your world.
If it isn't....
Well BOO HOO PUSSY!!!!!
I've got a bone to pick..
I've got a question for all of you men...
Am I the ONLY man on earth who get's the SAME phone call at about 4:00PM??????
EVERYDAY............
I love it when my Wife calls me during the day. She tells me what's going on with the kids. What she's doing. Who she's talking to. It breaks up the monotony of the workday.
All of this changes 'round mid-afternoon.....
I know the call is coming. I feel it in my bones...
I'm tired, weary...
I just want to come home and see my children run up to me and give me a big hug.
I want to kiss my wife and crack open a bottle of wine...
BUT NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
I have to go to the store first.....
When I get the call......I want to scream...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I was British, I would say this is BOLLOCKS!!!!
The kids need shampoo, and bananas, and milk, and no sugar added applesauce...
Ann needs laundry detergent, and dish soap, and coffee, and creamer.....
Lord help me. I am now being sent to Frys (Ralphs you California Douche bags) at the worst time possible. You can tell when it's 5:30 at Fry's..
That's when 300 men, just getting off of work, are wondering around the store with a bewildered look in there eyes.
Where am I going???
Where are the canned peaches????
Where is the deodorant? The shampoo? The Milk? The Sour Cream??
OH FUCK!!!!! WHERE AM I!!!!!
My Wife will send me a text message of everything needed. I am now officially NOT a fan of the energy saving programs on cellphones. You know what I'm talking about! When the damned light turns off on the phone while you're reading the list!!
FUCK YOU MOTOROLA!!!
Be like Motel 6 and leave the light on for me!
You may get off easy if there's canned goods and other easily identifiable items on the list... I do, every once in a while, have to venture to a zone where no man belongs. You're probably thinking that I'm talking about tampons right now....
BUT I'M NOT!!!!!
I'm talking about the produce aisle....
Look...I have a penis. I don't know where the fuck the ASPARAGUS is!!!
My sweat burns like battery acid... I don't know where the SOUTHWESTERN SALAD is!!!
My balls get wet when I sit on the toilet...
I DON"T KNOW WHERE YOUR FUCKING BRIE CHEESE IS!!!!!!!
Let's just assume that you find everything and you make it to the checkout lines before your colon explodes...
Am I the only one who ALWAYS picks the wrong line???
There could be a line as long as the Yangtze River, and a line with 2 people right next to it......
And I get stuck behind one or MORE of these people.....
1. Rain check lady.....
2. I swear my card is good....just run it ONE MORE TIME guy...
3. OH.... I forgot my Milk( furthest section from the register)...Let me run and get it!!!
4. Old Lady...ENOUGH SAID...
5. Chinese lady....ENOUGH SAID....
6. Oh wait....I forgot my club card in my car guy...
7. Mmmmmmmm. I thought that was supposed to be $.99.....and you charged me $1.09 lady..
I hope all of these people die a long, slow death in the Sarlacc Pit (from Return of the Jedi you dimwits!!!!) I guess I'm the only one who has my club card ready, my debit card in hand, and is familiar with the keypad. The person behind me never has to wait for anything!!!!!!
Soooo..
I hate the fucking market..
Who was the genius ASSHOLE who started calling it the SUPERMARKET????
Oh, I know...
He's the guy who's anus contains my SHOE...
Fuck everybody....
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Well for starters...Steve LOVES the produce aisle. He knows where the asparagus is, the southwestern salad and things I have never even seen and/or knew were produce before. He says to add that his balls get wet when he sits on the toilet too...I'm sure why I needed to share that but there you have it. I enjoy the store but not at that time of day...ever.
ReplyDeleteThe old lady comment is so not true. All of us senior citizens are fast as lightning.
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