Ann is gonna kill me.....

You know why they call it PMS right?
Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken...

I've learned a lot over my married life about PMS. I only heard rumors, and theories. I've even heard some men consider it a myth created by women, to have an excuse to be a bitch.

Well, I disagree....

PMS is real.

How do I know????

Well among many other reasons.....

WOMEN DON'T NEED AN EXCUSE TO BE BITCHES......

Listen, regardless of whatever opinion you have of me from reading this blog, I really care about my Wife. She dominates my universe. She rules my planet. She is easily the coolest women I've ever met.... BY FAR....

There is a week every month, where I need to make sure that I don't slip up. I even find myself trying to anticipate her moves, as to not upset her. I last about a half of a day before I realize that thinking this hard makes my head hurt.
About the time that I'm saying to myself, "Ahhhh fuck it, you're good man. You've done what you need to do...She's going to be so stoked to see you when you get home from work....."

OOOOOPSYYY....

Here is a list of things that I (regularly) forget to do, which pisses her off a little bit more during PMS time.....

1. Take out trash...
2. Put laundry in approved basket...
3. Leave bedroom door open, allowing children to gallivant on the neatly made bed....
4. Prevent them from climbing the backs of her legs while she is cooking dinner....
5. Farting within a quarter mile of her.....

These mistakes are easily avoidable. No matter how many times I make them, the next time can be only moments away. This kind of brings me to my next point.....

We ALL like to play cards....

You know cards....

Woman LOVE to play the PMS card.....
It works for them. I don't blame them. Things are a little different in the Larson household though.

MEN....

We LOVE to play the STUPID CARD....

You know....

The obligatory shrug....
The open mouthed gaze....
The looking around aimlessly....

Little different in the Larson house as well....

Let me explain...

My Wife wears her PMS on her sleeve. In her defense, she wears EVERY other emotion on her sleeve as well, so PMS might as well join the party. She can call me during my work day and ask me about an ATM purchase, or trash bag left on the back porch, and before she can even play the card......
I come up with this brilliant response!!!

"What? Are you PMS'ing or something?"

Oh yeah! Women love that. Steam emits from my end from the cell phone when I utter that gem!

Sometimes though, Ann will ask me to find the children's sippy cups. I don't want to find the sippy cups. I want to sit down and stare at a wall or something.
I begrudgingly get up, and wander around......Before I get a chance to even play my stupid card....

"Don't be STUPID!!! I can't be the ONLY one to find shit in this house!"

Damn....Guess I'm going to actually get off my lazy ass and find them.

I guess my point is......

PMS is not a myth.
Something happens to our women once a month. I don't envy it, or the blessed sacrament of the period that comes directly after.

That's right men....

1 week of PMS....
1 week of period....

That means that women are hormonally fucked up 50% of the time.

The excuse for the moodiness/bitchiness the other 50% of the time..

Yep.

US.