Attention all straight men!!!!!
Beware all sensitive, douche bag assholes!!!!
My Wife is a BIG fan of the romance novel. She reads books about mystical men with 2 penises. She reads 10 pages of foreplay. She reads about men with 6 packs and 7 pound cocks. These men will penetrate with great force (and passion) and buy them new wardrobes when there done.
AND I GET IT.....
These books are written by women who want to make money. It's female porn. They are written about these ideal, sensitive men with HUGE cocks.
I have no problem with this at all......
Now Nicholas Sparks.......
FUCK HIM!
There is always that guy you know who plays the sensitive angle. He listens, he confides, he has empathy....
HE IS NOT A REAL MAN!!!!!
He is a douche bag.
He is a one upper.
We ALL know a one upper.
If you met Keanu Reeves...
HE MET MARLON BRANDO....
If you donated $100 to your local YMCA...
HE SAVED AN ETHIOPIAN VILLAGE....
If you took your Wife to a resort in Mexico...
HE TOOK HIS WIFE ON A SAILBOAT TRIP AROUND THE WORLD!!!!
Ahhhh. the fucking one upper.....
What is the one thing we all know about the one upper?
THEY ARE FULL OF SHIT!
and so is Nicholas Sparks........
Do you really think his wife lays on her bed in the throes of Ecstasy every night?
Do you really think he is SOOOO in tune with her needs?
Do you really think he listens and empathizes with her day to day struggles?
Do you really think he knows what it's like to have a period? A Yeast Infection? A bladder infection?
A CHILD????????
The answer to all of the above is....
FUCK NO!!!!!!!!!
He is THAT guy. The guy who wants to pussify his way into a woman's heart. A guy who wants to make out for 45 minutes, cuz it's all about building an "emotional connection". A guy who will watch Steel Magnolias!!!!!!!!
Listen carefully people....
Men are men...
Women are women....
Lets STOP trying to blur the line between the two.
I have a hairy back. Hair growing out of my ears and nose. Basically anywhere but my head. I pass gas when I eat crappy food. I drink booze to take the edge off. I have strange stains in my underwear. I can eat pizza for every meal. I Love sports. I love metal.
And I love my Wife.....and my kids....
I don't have to do a bunch of bullshit to make other wives jealous. I don't have to act like a woman to make my wife love me more.
I am what I am.
My wife is who she is.
She may read her romance novel while I watch a Dodger game, but she's sitting right next to me, accepting me for who I am. When the game is over, and the bookmark lays down on the pages of her story......
Having one less penis and a ZERO pack doesn't seem to bother her.
That's because the men in her romance novels.....
DO NOT EXIST!!!!
Show me a Man who is UBER sensitive, rich and in tip top shape.......
and I'll introduce you to Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or Edward the Vampire!!!
Face it Ladies.....
WE'RE ALL YOU GOT........
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Some of us need that fantasy world Trav. Nicholas Sparks is one of my favorite authors, but I'm sure you probably knew that. Can't wait to see "Dear John."
ReplyDeleteShe says she can't wait to see "Dear John" because she can't remember what she read. As Norman Thayer Jr. would say, "It'll all be new to me!" Love you Mom. I enjoy Nicholas Sparks as well...I wish his male characters existed but I have yet to meet a guy like them...so I love my bald, gas passing man who can fix anything!!!
ReplyDelete"Hello, Operator? Well what do you want?'
ReplyDelete"Can you call me, the phone hasn't rang all winter, I wanna see if it's lost it's flutzy..."
I see a future Nicolas Sparks in your son...he's treated by a bunch of chick's...how do you think he'll turn out? :-P
ReplyDeletewho needs a six pack when you can rock a whole keg!
ReplyDelete