Hey, guess what??? Only 19 shopping days until Christmas!!!!!!
You will hear those words uttered by every lame ass local news broadcaster over the next few weeks. We're counting the days, the hours, the minutes, until Dec. 25th...Well I say FUCK CHRISTMAS!!!!
I say 20 days until there's only 300 days until these stupid countdowns start again. I just added that all up in my head people!!!!
You tell me, what is so great about Christmas? I spend more money on my kids than I normally do. That makes me want to sing other things BESIDES Joy to the World. I have to drag all of the holiday bullshit from my attic. I have to hang Christmas Lights. I have to drag my wife and kids out to look at other people's Christmas lights every other night.
As I type, my kids are watching "Charlie Brown Christmas" for the umpteenth fucking time. Some of you assholes are saying, "Hey, I like that show..." That means you don't have kids, and the last time you saw it you were 10. Or you're a lame ass, one of the 2.
The only thing good about Christmas, THIS year, is that it comes on a Friday. That means I get a 3 day vacation from selling soap and food safety equipment..
Something else that pisses me off, is when I actually break down, feel good for one second, and try to wish a merry christmas to a stranger, just to have them get all pissed off because they're jewish, or muslim, or whatever. I'm trying to be nice you bastards. You'd be more offended if I said Happy Chanukah. You'd ask me how I knew you were jewish or something. Even people who worship SATAN celebrate Christmas......
GET WITH THE PROGRAM JEWS!!!!! I know you have Sandy Koufax on you're team, but celebrate in misery with the rest of us!!! At least we get it over with in one day!!!
Sorry, I apologize to the one jewish guy I know. Sorry Goldman. Love you buddy.
Well anyways, I advise you all to attempt to get as drunk as i'm going to on Christmas. I plan on getting hammered, assembling my son's bike, and watching him eat shit all over the road!!
I take it back! I love Christmas!!!
Happy Holidays ASSHOLES!!!!!
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OMG!!! I love this stuff...Ahhhh!! I needed a good laugh!! Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteI need adult diapers when I read this stuff!!!
ReplyDeleteTravis Larson---I can't believe you really feel that way. The look on Ava's face when she sees the neighbors outdoor lights for the 100th time is priceless. "OH WOW" she says like it was the greatest thing on earth. That makes it worthwhile. All of us old people (you're old now) get caught up in all that other crap.
ReplyDeleteDude, you think that TJ is going to eat it? No fucking way! I have had that boy on a bike every session and he totally rocks :-P
ReplyDeleteHe's a speed demon too. We argue about going fast and slow, but after eating it a few times around a curve, he now slows down around the curves. So there. He will be laughing at you running slowly behind him!!!
By the way, my priest told me on sunday that we should be C.C. and not P.C. and tell people Merry Christmas instead of happy fucking holidays!!!
:-D